I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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