what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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