who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
even my farts smell like vagina
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
