my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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