yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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