Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
