Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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