Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
