didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
