I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
