I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
