It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
