All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
