i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize