CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
