She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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