I cannot find my penis.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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