i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
