they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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