dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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