I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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