I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
