The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
