I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
