I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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