ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
