Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
