Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
