you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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