Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize