im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
