Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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