Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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