would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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