At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
