I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize