wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
