this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
