Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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