Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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