no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize