It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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