Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
