i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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