Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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