dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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