she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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