Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
