fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
