you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
