dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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