Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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