how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
