he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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