News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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