The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
