i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
