Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
