My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
