I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Vodka?
Forever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
